Am I A Cheap Non Loving Husband?


First a few details about myself and my wife.

We are both 29 and got married in 2007. We do not have any kids but 2 dogs. We both work. Me full time as a contractor / and landlord. She works part time locally for an airline. I do not believe I am cheap but I do believe I always get a good deal. My wife recently has been going on an on about me being the cheapest man on the planet. Ok so here is my side.

Engagement : When I proposed to her I spent about $10,000 on her engagement ring. I bought the ring in the diamond district NYC and haggled my way down from $19,000 for very high quality. Dealer said I am a very strong negotiator.

Marriage : Then we got married in The Palace in Somerset NJ. Since the hall wasn't open or complete yet I booked 2 years in advance while they were building and paid only $138 per plate it is now over $250 a plate for same night same dates. I paid for the entire wedding spent about 70k. Before we got married I bought a 4 family home for us to live in. Again I explained to my wife that if we bought a nice four family home the tenants can pay our mortgage and we don't need to spend all our money on a house. Previous to the marriage I owned another home and WE currently still own the other home as well. Then in 2008 I bought my wife for valentines day a brand new Honda CRV base model (I would never buy a premium model) and again negotiated aggressively online with the dealer and paid considerably less than what an average person who just walks in the dealer would pay. I own and drive a used 2001 Jeep Cherokee and a 2002 ford van for construction.

I prefer to buy high quality products when they are on sale and can wait for something to go on sale before I buy it. Examples our TV a floor model 50% off, Our living room and bedroom furniture paid about $900 less because it was a discontinued line. I never buy clothes new I usually buy high end brands gently used never stained in local thrift stores. (biggest score a $300+ pair or Armani Exchange jeans for $29.)

We vacation often and because my wife works for the airline we don't pay for flights except taxes. Some places we have gone in the last 2 years. London, Thailand, Hawaii , Texas, Florida, California, Rome, Punta Cana, Santo Domingo. I usually wait until a hotel goes on sale on a deal website and then we book it. I have never paid full price for the hotels and I usually find amazing local restaurants that are not touristy aka not expensive but have amazing food.

So now it is 2011 and here is the situation. We have zero credit card debt, no car payments, a healthy bank account over 100k in bank, healthy 401k, 3 vehicles, (2) 4 Family homes and 2 dogs. We live in 1 of the apartments in 1 of the 4 family homes. It has 2 bedrooms, huge living room. I totally remodeled the kitchen and bath. Huge open basement, backyard, fire pit, pergola, and is situated 1 block from downtown major city in NJ. Very safe neighborhood.We don't plan on having any children. We are just enjoying life.

Now here comes where my wife says I am cheap. This is the complicated part. My wife is starting to complain. HUH! She wants to get rid of her Honda CRV and wants a Nissan 350z. (Because she never had a nice car as a child. I guess she doesn't think the Honda CRV is nice. Sorry Honda I still like your 31mpg city) She keeps on complaining that we need new furniture in bedroom and living room. I already swapped the bed out once just cause the first one I bought didn't have foot boards (Why do we need foot boards and columns we are not Romans.) She doesn't know I bought the new one on Craigslist used. I'll keep that a secret (Score!). Her mother constantly says to me you should buy her a nice little townhouse. She means the type of townhouse that is attached on both sides. I said I own a house already and I only have a tenant to one side and one on top. The mother and my wife both say its not the same “we have an apartment not a house” (Funny cause I pay a mortgage every month not rent.) The townhouses she wants us to get are smaller than our apartment and can't possibly have the yard we have. Her family and her sisters always have new cars every 2 to 3 years. Her Brother has a 2009 Mercedes CLS but works in a Hotel for $14 an hour and mom and dad have to pay the insurance cause he can only afford car payment. Her sisters and mother constantly change out furniture, new clothes, coach bags etc. But they are also all broke massive credit card debt and live check to check. Can someone please tell me or help me.

Am I a Cheap Non Loving Husband because I don't want to get my wife an attached townhouse, or buy her new furniture every few years when ours are still beautiful, or buy her a new sports car and sell her safe suv. Please help me make sense of this. Thanks Yahoo. Hopefully some women can give some insight to this.

No, I don't see you as a non-loving husband, I see you as a frugal man who has done well for himself and his wife. These days, you have to make deals and watch your money closely because you never know what could happen. I think the issue with your wife is that she feels that you have all that and she still can't keep up with her family. She wants to show off that she can afford such nice things as them. I wouldn't do it. It's not about what you can afford, it's appreciating what you have. Just because you can afford a beach house in Maui, does that mean that you should buy it? Not really. I pat you on the back and say good job and if she doesn't like it, then she needs to take check of what is really important to her.