Why Many Men Who Cheat Return Home

I often get emails from mistresses who are in a relationship with a married man and are petrified that he’s eventually going to return to his wife. Also, I sometimes hear from the wives who want to know what is the chances that their husband will come to his senses and realize how stupid he is acting so that he will eventually ditch the mistress and return home to his regular life.

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Of course, it depends on the person and the man. But, men actually often do go back to their wives. In my experience, this is the rule rather than the exception. Sure, there are some husbands that fall in love with the mistress and never return to their marriage. But, from what I can tell from the folks who comment on my blog and in my own experience, this is relatively rare. In the following article, I will tell you why (in my opinion) married men often return to their wives after cheating.

Any Relationship That Is Based On Secrecy, Deception, And Lies Doesn’t Have A Huge Chance To Be Lasting And Healthy: Let’s face it. When a man cheats, he’s being dishonest, disrespectful, and acting in a very reckless and unhealthy way. This is not the behavior on which lasting and healthy relationships are based. And often, when a man cheats or has an affair, he is facing some type of personal crisis or self doubt. In plain English, he’s in a bad place. So, he’s typically not at a point in his life where he’s going to be able to develop a mutually satisfying relationship.

He’s very often struggling personally and between two relationships. In the beginning the cheating and the affair might seem like the answer to all of his problems. It might be exciting enough that it momentarily draws his attention away from what is really wrong. But this almost always doesn’t last. Usually, he will wake up, realize that his problems are not only still there but have multiplied. Now, he realizes that he’s only made it more difficult for him to recover from whatever he’s dealing with.

Cheating Husbands Usually Eventually Realize That It’s Not Their Wife Who Is The Problem: In the initial stages of cheating and affairs, men will sometimes project their personal problems onto their wife. They will blame her for their unhappiness and for the fact that they aren’t fulfilled. They may even initially think that the mistress or other person has something that the wife does not have.

This typically is short lived though. In the beginning, everything with the other person might be fresh, new, and exciting. But this can’t last forever. All of the fairy dust and magic soon comes to an end. The other woman will usually show herself to be very wife like, with similar demands and expectations. And the husband will eventually realize that he’s gained nothing. Now, the mistress usually will be very careful in the beginning. But soon she too will begin to question what’s in it for her.

These things usually come to a head and the husband looks around and realizes that the wife is the only one who seems to be living in the real world and is the only one who offers any stability. It’s around this time that he realizes that he’s been sold an impossible bill of goods and he’ll typically just want his regular life back. He also will typically realize that he’s been so unfair to his wife, has taken her for granted, and was wrong all along.

Husbands Who Have Had An Affair Often Realize That What They Were Looking For Is The Woman At Home Who Knows Them Better Than Anyone Else: At the end of the day, cheating husbands usually come to realize that they were attempting to live in a fantasy world that could not possibly last or be healthy. There will usually come a time when he will realize that the problem he was running from has not gone away and that now he has even more problems. It’s usually at this point that it becomes crystal clear that he would have been much better off staying home and working through his issues with his spouse like a mature adult.

He realizes that the relationship with the mistress of other woman has no real foundation and no real history. He can no longer deny that the two of them are virtually strangers and yet here he is, risking what he has worked so hard for and held so dear over something so silly. Where he used to retreat knowing that his wife knew all his weaknesses and vulnerability, the affair will show him that the wife’s knowledge of him and ability to stand with him is something that he should have appreciated and surrendered to rather than running away from.

So yes, many married men who cheat do return to their wives. Whether their wives will take them back or not is a completely different question.

I know that dealing with his affair, no matter when it happened, can be very challenging and painful, but it can truly be worth it. Although I never would’ve believed this two years ago, I did eventually truly get over the affair. My marriage is stronger than ever. It took a lot of work, and I had to play the game to win, but it was worth it. Because of all the work I did on myself, my self esteem is at an all time high. I no longer worry my husband will cheat again. You can read a very personal story on my blog at http://surviving-the-affair.com/